The wolf problem

Erosion caused by elk feeding on saplings.

Do not be alarmed citizens.  There is no plan currently being proposed by any known government biologist to re-introduce wolves to the Olympic Peninsula. 

The howl of the wolf is a true symbol of the wilderness that has not been heard here since the wolves were bounty hunted to extinction back in the 1930s. It was a familiar scenario that was played out across the West. 

With the coming of the railroad the human population increased to the point where there was no room for wolves. They had to go. 

Since that time, many other species of fish and wildlife such as the 100-pound salmon and the Olympic Mountain moonshiner have become rare, endangered or just plain extinct due to the rising human population. Biologists are only now just beginning to explain how each of these individual creatures is vital to the health of the ecosystem. 

For example, I have long contended that the reason for the decline of our salmon runs are caused by “nylon pollution.” 

It is my own term for the fact that our salmon are being overfished throughout the extent of their range. I thought there is just too much nylon fishing gear in the water for the fish to survive their journey. 

Nylon pollution kills.

I was wrong. According to the biologists, it's not nylon that's killing the fish, it's the elk! 

Without the wolves to eat them there are so many elk along the Hoh River that they have killed off the trees, causing erosion, siltation and a rising water temperature, all of which is bad for fish.

According to biologists, if we could just get the wolves running the elk, trees would once again grow along the river, stopping erosion and shielding the water from the sun's harmful rays. 

People who may have seen the Hoh in flood stage, when giant spruce trees roll down the river scouring the gravel bars like freight trains, might doubt the elk have destroyed the river theory, but they're not biologists. 

The biologists know that any possibility of wolf reintroduction is still too controversial. So instead, the wolves will be “trans-located.”

You probably can't tell the difference, which once again shows why you're not a biologist. 

Rest assured that no Canadian wolves will be used in the trans-location effort. Only American wolves will be eligible for this program. 

Trans-location calls for moving the wolves from areas in Washington state where people want to get rid of them into places where people don't have wolves yet.  However the wolf is reintroduced or trans-located doesn't matter with the health of the ecosystem at stake. 

Any responsible wolf trans-location effort would have to include the restoration of the wolf habitat and a corresponding reduction of the human population. 

While no biologists is suggesting that people be forcibly removed from their homes for wolf habitat restoration, we would expect those who support the wolf trans-location to move voluntarily. 

Any reactionary anti-wolf obstructionists whose bourgeois sensibilities foster an unhealthy emotional attachment to their homes are liable to change their tune and become willing sellers once they are surrounded by howling packs of wolves. 

Ideally, the initial wolf trans-location effort would establish a healthy population of wolves where they would provide the most benefit to the ecosystem as a whole and provide optimum enjoyment to the people who want the wolves in the first place. 

That is why I would propose we first trans-locate the wolves to a place where people love them, our state capitol in Olympia.