Reincarnation is back

It was another tough week in the news. A front page article in the Peninsula Daily News revealed that a Los Angeles psychic, who moved to Port Angeles to get out of the “spotlight” and find a little privacy has been communicating with none other than the late great “King of Pop” Michael Jackson.

Ever since his tragic death in June of ’09,

“The Gloved One” has been sending messages through this spirit medium that he wanted to come back. No doubt.

Jackson died in the middle of his last tour. His passing set off a buying spree of Michael Jackson music and memorabilia that would have really improved his cash flow, if he was still alive.

There’s the problem.

Dying can be good for your career but bad for your future.

That’s where the psychic portal comes in. Through the miracle of metaphysics we are able to track the progression of Michael Jackson’s reincarnation.        Fortunately, a local couple has agreed to give birth to the King of Pop. They plan to raise the reincarnated Michael Jackson as a baby of their own.

While the happy couple are not expecting yet, they are expecting to be expecting some time soon. 

My own career as a spirit medium began shortly after Elvis died.

I began to crave fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches and Qualudes. I started to gain weight. I had an overpowering urge to shoot a big TV with a large caliber pistol.

At some point I must have got a message from Elvis. He said he wanted to come back. And you know what? He did.

I saw Elvis years later. He was a logger out in the West End. The sneer and the greasy hair gave him away. By the time he played “You Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Dog” on his chainsaw, I had a positive ID.

Sometimes the apple falls a long way from the tree. That’s the chance you take with reincarnation, paying for the sins of the past in the future. 

I should know. This columnist has been offering reincarnation counseling for years. It’s only one of many additional services I provide as a fishing guide. Where, in the healing sanctuary of my boat you are free to remember your past lives while channeling spirits on slow days when the fish aren’t biting.

Why just last week I fished with a reincarnated Joseph Stalin. He’s alive and well and working for the government.

Which begs the question, wouldn’t we as a society benefit more from nurturing reincarnated rock stars than ruthless dictators that murdered millions of their fellow countrymen?

I think so.

That is why it only makes sense for us to invest in our future, for the good of the entertainment industry by shelving an outdated stereotype that puts dead people in boxes.

The dead are no different than anyone else, except they are dead. And they want to come back. That’s why I became a reincarnation counselor, to help others and celebrate the diversity of those who have passed on and come back from the great beyond.

With the aid of today’s modern reincarnation research we are able to channel the dead rock stars toward a more productive future for the enjoyment of their millions of fans.

Raising a reincarnated rock star is not for everyone. Parenting these often-troubled souls can be a challenge.

The cost of Michael Jacksons’ monkey feed alone could break a household budget.

Still, the rewards of raising an immortal pop legend should far outweigh any financial or legal concerns the prospective parents might have.

Just remember, no slumber parties.